QUESTIONS FROM THE SECOND FLOOR....

Time's up

2006-05-26T21:10:00.000-04:00

I can blog no more. This is my final post.

Lord Cream Horn is moving on to another job and will be too busy to comment with any frequenct. Why does that matter? because this blog was created so that LCH could rank on me and in the bargain I'd get some wisdom...not that I call elucidations on Crop Circles wisdom....

Along the way, I picked up some normal folks from the left coast, and kepy my cousin entertained (she'd look faithfully every morning for the new post, but only comment on the rarest of occassions)

With that said, I close my blog. I fully intened on printint it out and hopefuly, making some kind of book out of it. Not my comments, mind you: LCH's. And maybe Justin's never ending commentary about the benefits of biodeisel.

I'll still visit the good folks at Perreiro, so you can find me over there cahtting with the Scotts, but otherwise, that's it for me.

Thanks for 10 months!!!!

PS WELCOME HOME E4 MIKE AND, THE "3RD PLATOON HOOLIGANS" AND ALL OF THE 3-172ND MOUNTAIN INFANTRY!!!BACK FROM IRAQ!!!!!!!

remember: if anyone asks you why the sky is blue, tell them it's because God loves the Infantry!!

(sky blue is the color of the Army Infantry)

Space Travel

2006-05-13T12:25:00.000-04:00

I'm trying NOT to give credence to the conspiracy theorists (look! conspiracy has PIRACY in it! arrrrhhhh!) but...

if we really did go to the moon, why didn't we go back?
and where are the photos of where we landed? Seriously, I we can photo the out reaches of our solar system, so where the heck are the photos of the flag from a Satellite??

by the way, I have no problem with the Gov't looking at my phone calls. Maybe they'll see how many taxes and fees are on the bills and feel ahsmaed for taxing me to death for services I'll never get...that's it...I'm coming into the US from Mexico and having a baby in Tuscon....

portly pet owners

2006-05-09T21:42:00.000-04:00

think of all the people you know who have those b*tchy little yip yip dogs...chihuahuas, pekinese, etc.

Now, they are all overweight, aren't they. NOT THE DOGS! The owners!

Why is is that fat people and most fat women have little yip yip digs?

Gentlemen: start your answers...

2006-05-08T20:31:00.000-04:00

The big question today, is med, motorcycles, motor cars and mid-lie crisis: WHY???

We have a group of men (all late 40s to mid 50s) at work, who all have Hraleys. Those who don't have Harelys have "sports cars" or are working on sports cars in the garage.

Most of these folks have children in highschool or on their way to college, so it isn't like empty nest syndrome.

Whe question isn't really WHY...the question is WHATY DO WOMEN DO FOR MID-LIFE CRISIS?

Do we die our hiar: no, we've been doing that for years. But a motorcyle or sports car? no: too impractical.

So why have men cornered this mid-life crisis cash outlay by purcahsing toys, when women don't do the same?

I'mm be 45 in a few years, and want to know what the heck I'm supposed to do for MY mid-life crisis.

Your answers are appreciated.

NOTICE THE NEW TITLE

2006-05-06T18:13:00.000-04:00

I have realized that I don't have very much to say of late. BUT...

I still have questions...lots of them....

Taking a hint from Burgundy Skies, I've decided to change the format of blod. Burgundy has an "ask me question" Friday where all your questions get answered. I., on the other hand, have lots of questions which YOU will all answer.

Watch this space because tomorrow, I begin asking questions, to which I expect answers.

Now, between the frequent posters to this bolg, you MUST have some answers. Cream Horn, if he ever gets out from under Das Boot and logs on, may have answers. Justin, brilliant physicist that he is had better have answers. Burgundy Skies may not have the answers, but she sure knows where to get them. And David...well, he may have the answers, or at least knows how to write about them

Southern Man's dad passed last week, so I'm sure he's looking for answers.

Prepare yourselves...I've got lots of questions........

one way to get $ for gas

2006-05-06T09:29:00.000-04:00

...full story here

when mechanics, money, and minds mesh...

2006-05-03T19:52:00.000-04:00

you get this

get cracking, Justin, i want a similar retrofit for my Hyundai....

Acronym Challenge: the Military Edition

2006-05-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

To celebrate my son's impending return from the "sandbox", this month's acronym challenge will have a military theme.

Now, step lively, people and get on it!!!!

Lord Cream Horn gets a new job...

2006-04-30T23:38:00.000-04:00

and a new boss:

" I have called you to this meeting Mr Cream Horn to tell you that Feline Fanatiscim is encouraged at this institution. Comply with our culture here, and you will survive. Disregard our cat culture, and you'll become another heap in the litter box of losers we have outside"

>>>>Check out the new NAYSHEEN link on the side bar, folks!!!

For your viewing pleasure

2006-04-30T11:20:00.000-04:00

enjoy!

This clip is dedicated to Mr. Feng.

This clip is dedicated to all of you in Office-land.

The new look: part III

2006-04-30T09:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this template lets you see my avatar and side bar, but now I look like a Perrero Pirate wanna-be! Haarhhh!

slumpage leads to loss

2006-04-22T19:12:00.000-04:00

Man. I get brain cram for a week (a blog-slump as LCH calls it) and my side bar avatar and links dissappear. Maybe they are both vacationing together with my brain...I hope they come back.

This wek has been a rough one. Readying for my son's return from Iraq on the 11th (HOO-AH!!!!!!!), paperwork, and meetings for the return have sapped what little chimoelectric responses my brain had reserved for blogging!

Now that I have a ton of stuff to do in preparation for my soldier's return to "normalcy" (i will thank you to leave that comment alone, LCH) and I'm up to 2 nights per week at the shelter AND trying to coordinate volunteer activities there, the bloggin may be sparse for a bit.

But, here are some things to look forward to:

The post of the day Southern Man married a dolphin
why Spanish chicks actually dig LCH (hint: green card)
a shamless solicitation for a lab tech to run repeat testing for my upcoming article on yield stress
"quien es mas macho?": the has-beeb edition
the May acronym challenge

you know you'll be watching this blog for updates, don't lie...

He is Risen

2006-04-16T09:33:00.000-04:00

Today is Easter Sunday, and Catholics around the world celebrate the Resurrection of their Savior, Jesus the Christ, and tomorrow begin the Season of Pentecost.

Not Catholic? No matter. I offer the following excellent site for Non-Catholics, history buffs: The Vatican It is an excellent site, but not every page lets you go back to the home page, so you'll have to remember to use the back key on your browser. Just for fun, read it in Italian!!

Peace be with you all.
LD

what the heck is this?!?!

2006-04-11T22:22:00.000-04:00

Enormous fonts??? loss of my links on the side bar?!?!?!? what the heck!!!

I had to change the color of my blog so that my pic wouold show up...now I have to work on putting all the links back up...I'll be up all night!...nah...i'll do it Friday night. Till then, this post in an open invitation to you for random comments. Post what you like, but 3 rules:

do not disrepsect the Naysheen (that goes for you LCH, and you too Justin)
no Bea Arthur (Raymond)
and no bashing of republicans (although bashing our congress and President about the illegal alien situation is most welcomed)

Ciao and Meow >>^*x*^<<

And the Winner is....

2006-04-08T20:52:00.000-04:00

This month, I actually chose winners based on appropriateness, and not by selecting someone who panders to my disdain for commies. Along with the pride of knowing that your victory is posted for all the the bologsphere to see and envy, this month, you get a prize!!

1st Place: The Perreiro Pirate:

gvfcm GreatValueFromChrist'sMercy

2nd Place: Justin:

wscwlva World Socialist Commies Want Lowered Volkswagens in April

3rd place: Lord Cream Horn:

WVYKB When vindicated, you'll kill bunnies.

and here are your prizes:

David:

Justin:

Lord Cream Horn

The Long Awaited Pittsburghese Post!

2006-04-08T20:30:00.000-04:00

At last, you can finally understand phrases like this!! (New Winglandiz don't have nothin on these guyz)

I've been all over the US, and still find the Pittsburg dialect to be the most unique.
You can bone-up on "yinz" Iron City accent, bit it will take some work. To this end I have found a site that give you the excercizes need to talk like a Pittsburger.. an'nat.

Too lazy to do the work out? The review the glossary and get familiar with thos phrases that only Pittsburghers can understand. You'll become an Iron City Insider in no time!

I kid you not...

2006-04-07T21:38:00.000-04:00

Remember: no news is good news.

my view on illegal aliens

2006-04-06T00:40:00.000-04:00

Get in line

Get legal

or Get out

i should trade mark that....

poison sumac or poison oak?

2006-04-03T21:33:00.000-04:00

How the heck am I supposed to know? I was indescrimtaely tearing up brush and now I have this rash all over my forearms that itches like a son of a beach ball!

The Event: RAKE FEST'06
The Location: EB's back yard...not that back yard near the pool, the lower back yard...
The Affliction: scratch, inflamation, scratch!!!!
The Remedy: wash, dry, alcohol rinse, benadryl cream, but more recently "IVY DRY" spray, compliments of 88Chick (thank you !)

I love the questions you get from people....did it look like this?

No, Bozos...it's spring and the leaves are still buds...

Well, did it look like this, then?:

maybe...everything looked like that...except the rambler rose vines...

So, what's a person to do? I love this one site that says "nothing, but sufffer and itch". Morons.

There are herbal remedies...mugwort, specifially, but it involves lighting the plant or something like that, which is close to an American Indian Ritual. Like I'm going to do either.

And, now, let's all sit back and wait for Cream Horn to supply a post about how traumatized he was at 10 years old when he got tte worst case of poison ivy in the world while we were vacationing in Cape Cod. He looked like a big pink splotch after the calamine lotion applications. Didn't help that the back deck of the summer cottage was crawling with poison ivy. You know, LCH, not to one up you but I distincly remember the following summer, I was rushed to Mass. General Hospital with a 104F fever, and a day later had my kidney removed...that was before your spinal meningitis, and you 3 month stint at Boston Children's Hospital, so I one-0upped you, and you had to go and one-up me with you big medical temr illness.

DST looms...

2006-04-01T20:02:00.000-05:00

and my life is messed up for a month. Spring ahead my foot. More usable day light, energy conservation, blah blah blah. Pick one time standard and stay with it, for heaven's sake.

When Benjamin "the Man" Franklin was Ambassador to France (when France wasn't as annoying as it is now) he thought standardization was a good idea. My guess is that it failed because he was trying to reason with the French. Like that has ever worked. He should have rioted, tipped over cars, and blamed the US for everything and then they would have bought into it...

Acronym Challenge: the Easter Edition!

2006-03-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

This time, the the theme is Easter, Spring, or Passover (spring for you heathens who don't observe Easter; Passover for our Jewish Friends) . And no, Justin, you can't write about heating bunny carcasses up to 300C and extracting diesel.

As always, acrnoyms with commie comments are always welcomed...just stick to the theme...!

Winner will be announced On April 18th.

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Sequel

2006-03-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

how do I beat my all time record at Zuma? By beating it in 13 minutes, 45 seconds. If anyone knows of anyone else who has performed this amazing fete of skill and hand to eye coordination, let me know. And then tell them to get a good orthopedic surgeon...

and another week ends..

2006-03-26T10:57:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: Friday March 24th was the 5th day of wearing purple. I realized that my sanity and wits didn't vanish afterall....yet. Apparently, I had the lyrics of the song wrong. He says "will all vanish, I promise; it's just a matter of time". Well, that explains it. I have to wait it out, now don't I? I've pretty much exhausted all the purple in my wardrobe, so I'm just going to sit back and wait for the residual effects of wearing purple to kick in...

and so another week ends. As a result of this week's comments, I can now safely say that this little blog community is a twisted set of folks:

David N Scott: the "N" here means the variable, since Mr. Scott has decided that his socio-political movement will be randomness of movement. What randomness there is to be had by having a gym schedule escapes me.

Justin Feng: his Hello Kitty movement is frightening at best. Certinaly bio-diesel is something to consider, Justin: AFTER the animals have died of natural causes (this does not include fatalities under the wheels of your hemmi-cuda).

Lord Cream Horn: The "L" here stands for "little" - the adjective given to him by some blues master names "Lucky" who decided that he was too gin soaked to play anymore, and invited Cream horn to jam with him on stage. I prefer "lefty" Cream Horn, myself, since our beloved Cream Horn is a left hand guitarist who was forced to play upside down because Lucky was in fact and Lush and didn't seem to care that LCH was left-handed. Here LCH: this is from your partner in feline hatred, Justin...

Raymond: there are no words for the thought patterns of the R-man, who is convinced that his commentaries are based on transmissions from the aliens, while he is in the shower...I'm not kidding about that either. That is the only thing that could explain his fascination with Bea Arthur.

Southern Man: is on vacation in Aruba this week. This will give me the opportunity to scan a photo of him proposing to a dolphin, and you will at last see him for what he really is.

Burgundy Skies: methinks she is the only sane one of the bunch

Finally, a movement for the rest of us!

2006-03-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

Save your comments about "movement", Lord Cream horn. This is something totally different...although with all the granola and whole grains they eat, I suspect a "movement" is imminent!

By the way: DAY 4!!!!!

Wearing Purple: day 3

2006-03-22T21:35:00.000-05:00

just keeping track....

Wearing purple: day 2

2006-03-21T22:14:00.000-05:00

Yes, day two of wearing purple like Gogol Bordello tells me to. Still waiting to see if my "santiy and wits will all soon vanish" like they promised.

The question is: how long to I wear purple? Do I make it a permanent part of my wardrobe like Burgundy Skies? or do I give up when my sanity and wits don't vanish, like he promised in the song?

And let's just take that apart, shall we? He says "start wearing purple for me now". and then he sings something in Ukranian Russian. I have no idea what it means, but I assume it's more of the same command to start wearing purple. So I put purple on, and I've satisfied the demand of wearing purple for him now. BUT if I don't listent to the song for a while, am I off the hook? can I wear green?

And, when he says "soon will vanish" that's not a real time table, now is it. "soon" could be 20 years, if compared to the span of recorded time. Soon could also mean within 24 hours.

Lord Cream Horn wore purple today, and I haven't heard from him. I hope his sanity and wits didn't vanish. Who will tell me what to do now????????

Maybe I should start wearing Hemi Orange, like Justin advises. I still don't know if I want to look like the color of a 70's shag rug, though. I'm not into that whole 70's retro thing that all the teens are into. They all look like they have hat-head.

riding solo on the wave

2006-03-19T23:31:00.000-05:00

It seems that I am the only who understand the genius of gypsy punk cabaret that is Gogol Bordello. Did any of you click on the link and watch the video????? I thought it was genius!

You know that a country has really made it, when they have ethnic rock and roll that we westerners find highly entertaining. What's missing from rock and roll today is F U N. Everyone is taking everything way too seriously, and these guys are just Ukranian party hounds. When they come around, I'm dragging Cream Horn with me. I can see it now:

The band does the obligatory audience participation number. we all start wearing purple and singing like a bunch of Vodka soaked wing nuts (except for me, I'll be the beer soaked wing nut) and then Cream Horn will jump on stage, grab the guitar from the band and wail on some blues tunes. Something like Muddy Waters. It will be a 12 bar blues version, heavy chordage, and then he'll slice out a solo that is a variation on the song Start Wearing Purple.

We'll all get a laugh, Cream Horn will get an autograph and an offer to tour with the band. Think of his participation as being akin to that bald, tootheless Spoon-Guy who toured with Soundgarden on their Superunknown Tour in '94...except that Cream Horn has teeth and won't be playing the spoons.

He'll go home, tell his wife all about it, and add Ukranian women to the list of chicks that dig him. His wife will probably leave the room, smirking. I, of course, will raid his fridge for beer.

Now go watch the video!

START WEARING PURPLE, WEARING PURPLE

2006-03-18T21:40:00.000-05:00

START WEARING PURPLE FOR ME NOW!
ALL YOUR SANITY AND WITS THEY WILL ALL VANISH -
I PROMISE.
START WEARING PURPLE FOR ME NOW!

I predict here and now, that Ukranian Cabaret GypsyPunk will be the next BIG THING! so start wearing purple!!!

talkin' like a New Winglan-dah

2006-03-15T21:38:00.000-05:00

Since I travel all over the USA, and don't have the thick New England accent, people are hard pressed to guess where I come from. After several beers however, it's pretty obvious.

Since many of you posting to this blog are not from New England, a quick primer on how to talk like you are from over here, might be helpful.

We have words you don't have:

Blinkizz (blinerks) aka "turn signals" - if you are from the mid-west - aka "directionals" if you are from anywhere else

Grindah (grinder) aka "sub sandwich", aka "hero". Hogies are something unique to PA, and only closely resemble grindahz

Pawp (popp) aka soda, aka beer, but only in bars. You are a true metroBostonian if you call it popp. Better still if you call it Tonic (pronounced "tawnic")

Frappe aka milkshake

We call the DMV the "registry" and any convenience store by it's name. A popular convenience store here is called "Cumby's" aka Cumberland Farms. Think of it as a low-key Circle K.

We don't go into the basment (a place you people on the left coast can only dream about!) we call it the "cellah" (cellar). As in, "I'm goin' down cellah"

To help you along, here are some rules:

always drop the -er in a word and replace it with -ah, but only if it is singular. Example: wintah (winter) and regulah (regular)
when dropping the -ers, for a plural, use the "izz" sound. "the wintahzz in new Wingland are cold".
the short "o" sound reverts to an "aw" sound...as in "Oh my Gawd!!" This is a popular phrase that substitutes for "holy SH*T!". Because we are mostly Catholics over here, we envoke Gawd at will, instead of using proanity. The same is true for the "a" sound in water; water become "wawhdah"
the -ing sound is always replaced with the "-0in" sound. Just drop the "g" and you'll be fine. "Oh my Gawd, I'm doin' great!"
the word wicked is used in place of "very" or "really". "its wicked cold in the wintah"
the "t' sound mid-word becomes a "d" sound: "Lay-dah!" (later!)
words that begin with vowels, but are preceeded by consonants, get melded" New Wingland (New England) Rho Dylan (Rhode Island)

Now, print this page out and go practice.

...next time: how to speak "Pittsburghese"

ahhh, to be a sea cow...

2006-03-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

one post is all it takes

2006-03-10T21:54:00.000-05:00

so, I've been in a fogg...or, as I'm sure LCH will be quick to point out: foggier. I can't think of anything to write about. Work sucks the life force out of me, and I'm drained by the time I come home. Work...that is why it is known as "work" intead of, say, "beer-fest".

BUT THEN......

I get a post from my beloved SKIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, Skip is the man. He's my replacement Papa :) Skip claims to have laid claim to the title "Pharologist" (aka Lighthouse Expert), though the word doesn't even exist in the OED.

Skip was one of the last to graduate from the Navy's "Signals to Navigation School". Fancy title for knowing what color buoy to use, how to operate a light house - and most importantly, what a Range light is....Range lights are kind of like the white dashed lines on the road: you stay in the middle of the lines. But with range lights, you wait until you are lined up between them, and that's how you know you are in center of a channel, for example. Bet you didn't know that Cream Horn!

More about Skip: No one can have as many hobbies, pastimes, and favs as my "Papa". He loves NASCAR (was there when it all began), NCAA (professional NBA is not an option), stamp collecting (mostly stamps with images of Lighthouses), forts, cartography (maps) all things nautical ( he was a "tin can sailor"), history (the founding fathers), mystery novels, vacations ( he took more vacations when he was working than is humaly possible) and TV.

Yes, you would imagine that someone who has retired and his time to work for the US Park Service and who reads voracioulsy, would have time for The Devil's Mouthpice (my code name for TV). But Skip can read a book, watch picture-in-picture (can't watch March madness and NASCAR without it) all while recording something from the Food Network on TVio and reading a mystery novel. When I grown up, I want to be a cross between Cream Horn and Skip, that's for sure.

So while I'm sitting here, being whacked out, I'm reminded of my blessings: my brother LCH who is an absolute pain in my a**, but whom I love to bits, my famil, my sons, Ray, my other son ( who apparently likes being in Iraq so much he extended for another 9 months...i think it's the weapons they get, personally), and my cherished friends.

What ices the cake, is THE NATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, my ever growing Cat Nation. Tomorrow, I work to socialize a cat that was labeled as 'ferrel'. It's not ferrel, het was just terribly neglected and is now very very reclusive. I sing the Nation National Anthem and he rolls his eyes at me. Poor thing, doesn't even know he's a member of the Nation.

Remember: you are either part of the Nation, or you are part of the problem!!!!!! and you, LCH, are a problem.

it is a beehive in here

2006-03-06T22:15:00.000-05:00

yes, the brain is buzzing like a beehive...can't think straight. Maybe I'll go visit some blogs and that will help. Is beehive one word or two? Someone, get an OED!!!!!

By thw way - Spanish chicks DON't dig me....fortunately

LOOK LCH! NO TYPOS!!!!!!!!

...

2006-03-04T00:20:00.000-05:00

it's just not the same when Lord Cream Horn doesn't post...sigh... I guess I'll have to go over his house...

i'm not even going to attempt it

2006-03-01T23:08:00.000-05:00

I'm not even going to try to tell you how a practical joke on Southern Man could have ended in tradgedy. I'd rather that he tell it himself, on a response post.

The long and short of it is, that I was away all last week, and Southern Man was free fom me sending projectiles into his cubicle. Free from the never ending game of "find the miniature plastic alligator" (last check it was in a fig newtons 2 pack wrapper, heat sealed to look authentic).

I come back and try to Loctite his soda bottle cap shut, s o i can watch him struggle to open it. (for those of you who don't know, Loctite is a very powerful adhesive...kind of like superglue, but different colored bottles for different types of materials). I grabbed the clear bottle and not the yellow bottle. The rest is now a painful history of how I almost sent Southern Man to the Poison Control Center. I'll stick to filling his coffee cup to the very brim with a combination of gatorade and coffee...or duct taping his chair to his slide out key board...or putting the alligator at the bottom of his coffee cup...or putting silicone lubricant on the handle and rim of his coffee mug...

I'm waiting - nervously - for his retribution. He's not mad. And that's the scary part. He's plotting ways to get even with me.

And on a lighter note, Lord Cream Horn has returned from his vacation in La Isla de Mujeres. Contrary to what the name suggests, there are also men on the Isla. But acording to LCH, none of them are bald. I'm trying to talk him into buying property and setting up a house that I can keep for him, and when he comes down once a year, I'll just go sleep on the beach. If I'm on the other side of the Gulf, chances are Southern Man won't go that far south, and I"ll be safe...

Everybody - into the POOL!

2006-02-27T20:21:00.000-05:00

The Celebrity Death Pool...I've decided to give this a try. What peaked my curiosity was learning that Dennis Weaver had died, after he had died. I never saw it commng. Remember my surprise when I heard that Al Lewis - aka "Grandpa" died? I don't like being blind sided.

I needed to find a more reliable way of knowing which actor was going to die next because trying to keep tabs on all their birthdays, and life expectancies was a bit too much work and let's face it, I have beer to drink. So, I'm sticking my toe into the Celebrity Death Pool and I'm off to place my bet. There is no money involved in this...just a parking place (which wouldn't suck - and I don't even live in Boston!) and some bad karma. At least that what the site claims to offer when you win.

I'll let you know if I get that parking space...I've already got the bad karma...

it is taking me soooooooooooooo long

2006-02-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

yes, it has taken 18 months and still I have not finished reading Susanna Clark's very excellent novel "Johnathan Strange & Mr. Norrell". My 14 year old nephew, to whom I gave the book 12 months ago has read it twice already. Little brat...

Yes, other books have interrupted it, and none (save Garth Nix's "the Abhorsen" trilogy) can compare. So why is it taking me so long?

For starters, the book is HUGE. I can't get comfortable with it in bed, and on airplanes - where I do much if my reading.

You can't say it is because I can't get into a book the size and scope of Clark's novel. I read "Bleak House" by Dickens in 3 days, in my spare time! Which reminds me, if you are watching that hellishly directed adaptation of Bleak House on PBS, stop watching it. It is foolish what they have done to the characters, and the camera work smacks of CSI-Miami. If you must watch an excellent film adaptation of the text, watch the earlier PBS version, starring Denholm Elliot and Diana Rigg. The cuurent version on PBS it TRIPE!!!!! TRIPE IT TELL YOU!

Perhaps I'll get the paperback version, and this summer, instead of reading The Lord of the Rings (for the 9th time) and the Silmarillion (for the 5th time), I'll read the book on my mini-vacation.

In the meantime if anyone has read it already, I ask that you keep the ending to yourselves. But please, let me know if the Man with the Thistle Down Hair ever confronts Norrell.

Spell check THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-25T01:42:00.000-05:00

Cream Horn is on vacation somewhere in the Mexican Gulf. I will take this time to actually SPELL CHECK my stuff, in honor of his absence. Spell checker on this blog SUX! Besides, using spell check implies that I care, and really, I don't.

So, I go to the left coast, whip out the note book PC and plan to do some blogging...And then...Administrator rights from H*LL!!!!! How is it that every other company in the world LETS their employees get on the internet to do things like CHECK IN for your flight 9 So that you don't have to sit between gorillas because you are on Southworst Airlines, and you got the "C is for Cattle" seating group), or to be able to check your email so that when you get back to work, you don't have 50 million emails in your in box? Potable office, connectivity and efficiency do not rate at my company, but they've got an excellent benefits plans, so I have to just shut up.

Had an interview for a job whilst in Cali. My schedule prevented me from connecting with the company. I am not losing sleep over it...I don't want to move to Riverside, CA. I am losing sleep right now because my flight got it at 10:30 EST p.m. from LA and it apparently takes 45 minutes for be to get luggage from a 21 terminal hick airport. Now I've got my second wind, and I can't sleep.

I could spend my time insulting Cream Horn, but what good would it do? He won't see it till next week, and the thrill will be gone by then.

In the meantime, I remind you Raymond, my dear, that generalized rants about politics is allowed. Repeating the blather from Commie commentaries on Radio Shows, is forbidden. Stop whining about this administration. I'm sick of it, really.

Off-shore English

2006-02-19T12:01:00.000-05:00

Add this post to the countless others complaining about off-shoure, out-sourced Customer Service Centers.

I don't have a problem with my electric company, phone comapny and gas comny having customer service in other states...I'll even take a thick spanish accent over India, Pakistan and Turkey, as long as they are in the US.

I'll share with you observations that Lord Cream Horn shared with me the other night.:

you call a major US based printer company, to get a replacement of some sort, that you need. Or you try to get help on that smae company's customer service line about a digital camera. Here's what you get.

"thank you for calling US based major manufacturer of the item you need help with. This is....EDD-Dee"

Edd-Dee it appears is unsure of his new adopted Anglo name. This is most likely because he has to change his name every call. I dare you to call back and ask to Edd-Dee. By the time you call back is name is "Christ Tofer".

Anyways, Edd-Dee isn't too helpful to LCH. So, you ask for someone else, a supervisor, or something, and you get Edd-Dee, but this time his name is "Fran-Siss Canihelpyou". LCH suspects that Edd-dee is doing thriple time as customer support, technical assistance, AND the president's office. I all depends on which light comes on on his multi-extension phone.

Apparently, LCH never got past Edd-Dee.. and never got the part he wanted.

I'm going to learn Farsi, call some Pakistani call center and call myself "ashrama". I would speak enitrely in Faris and don a cool mulsim name. And then I wonder how long it would tkae them to transfer me to someone who spoke Farsi.

And then I'd call everynight with a new name. Soon, we'd get slectnios "for english, press "1" For spanish press '2" for Farsi press "3".

It is a lofty goal, indeed, to get these call centers to speak to me in Faris, but in the end, you'll all thank me.

miscellaneous updates

2006-02-15T22:03:00.000-05:00

I have a new "ladies" brief case. Now I have a place for my briefs. lucky me
going to Cali next week. Cream Horn is going on vacation. With the the miracle of wi- fi I can blog from the left coast....Cream Horn can't say the same.
remember the "I left beer in your fridge, but you can have it" episode? Well, I left frozen burritos in the fridge. They had better sill be there.
Dick Cheney hits someone with bird shot??? Did I ever tell you about the time Cream Horn tried to mame a sibling with a pellet gun? yeah, that's right, big deal. and no, it wasn't me.
I won pajamas from the Jay Severin talk show. They are from "the Pajamagram Company" aka "the Vermont Teddy Bear Company". The pajamas are lame, and they weren't even signed by Jay. One free pair women's small for sale.
I am one woman, living alone, and am very frugal with my heat (it's gas). This of course is why my gas bill is the equivalent of 10 people living here and taking showers all day - right?
I don't like Southwest - I call them SouthWorst - airlines. Best polits: United. Best on-time: Continental. Can I willingly fly either for work? of course not.
I have an article due in August for a coatings publication in August. I'm looking for ideas. Please help.
I call tomorrow for an accupuncture appointment to try to quit smoking. In my gut, I believe that Korean Accupuncturists (and this one is) are commies. That will stymie my progress, I just know it.
"busines"men have the worst manners
power Ball is nearly 300 million. should I play? If I win, will i still blog?

SWF:NSA

2006-02-13T23:24:00.000-05:00

Single White Female NOT Seeking Advice. Man, you can't even rant about how much you love video games...everyone becomes an "Agony Aunt" (that's the Brittish Version of "dear Abby")

At any rate, such excellent advice from everyone.

LCH: I will be over tomorrow to visit...mwuahahahah!

Ray: Courtney Love??? Actually, I'd vote for her before I voted for Hillary.

Perrero Pirate: a servin' wench, I'll never be!

Justin: Somewhere, in the basement along with my youngest son's stuff is his PS2 and Medal of Honor Series of Video Games -the soundtracks to which are outstanding. With my luck, I'll get the video games out, just in time for him to come home and say "ma - I thought I asked you not to touch my stuff."

Concerning my youngest son and his "sutff". My family has this gene that causes the neurotransmitters that regulate rationality to open wide and get flooded with "stuffatonin". that's the chemical that controls your need to control your stuff. My Dad, LCH, and now my son - and even me at times - have this gene, only they have it on hyper-drive.

Example of the "Stuffatonin" overload at Chez Cream Horn: I go over to walk his wacked-out weiner dog, and what are my instructions? "Don't touch any of my stuff, Bozo", and "don't eat anything in the fridge" (this is a modified version of "don't touch my stuff")

Here's another: My son goes away to boot camp/ AIT. I totally redecorate his room. Not "thanks", not "nice job", just "what did you do with all my stuff?" He goes to Egypt. I take the opportunity to clean and organize his room. The first words out of his mouth when he gets to his room "someone has been touching my stuff". When he gets back from the sand box, I've already prepped him that his "stuff" has been "touched". I had to "touch" it to move it, now didn't I? It is in the basement, all neatly stacked, and it is most defintely not being touched. Even his BDUs are neat, cleaned and hanging in suit protectors, so that they only had to be "touched" twice: once when I moved, twice when I moved them into suit protectors. Now, only the plastic is "touching" them, so he'll have to take issue with the plastic.

As for Cream Horn...next vacation, I'm going to go in his closet and literally TOUCH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, I'm going into the basement to hide his duct tape. This will be a test of how well his high blood pressure meds work. Wait....I just posted all this, so he'll know. I'll touch some of his miscellaneous stuff, and see if he notices...and he will. And then I'll blame it on his dog!!!!!!

Video Game Validation

2006-02-10T21:22:00.000-05:00

I work in a man's man company. Where I work, we put the MAN in manager. is it any wonder then, that I llok for a little validation every now and then...okay, just about every night?

So I play this game on www.popcap.com called Bog Money. When I'm on al roll - which is rare, because I can't get past level 9 - the old greay MANager says "excellent" and that makes me fell happy. Then there is this other game called "Bejeweld" where if I get a bunch of jewels to explode in a series of explosions, I hear the voice (male again - they are our Overlords, you know...what the heck is the name of that song by Led Zeppelin where Robert Plant sings "we are your Overlords"????? man, the wine is kicking in...) say "good"

back to the game. It's great when the He-Alien Overlord says "I excellent" and "incredible"

No secret here, folks....I need a new job.

"Bubba":DEFINED!

2006-02-09T22:08:00.000-05:00

Thanks to a business contact in Southern Virginia, I have the definition of a "bubba"

Good Ol' Boys: a coterie of men, who "like things they way they are". You are either part of the good 'ol' boys club or you are not. Woman are banned, apparently. They may not fly the stars and bars, but they do stand at attention when "Dixie" is played. Most common names are names that we take for surnames: Wendell, Clayton, Wallace, Stanton, Merlin, etc. Drink bourbon, can cook up BBQ like it's no one's business, love mamma and Jesus. The use phrases like "I'm fixin'ta go on up to the lake and catch me some fish"

Rednecks: harmless stars and bars flying types who have 2 racks on the rear window of their Ford (never one of them "rice burner tayohtahz"). One rack: baseball bat; the other rack: shot gun. Drink whatever is on sale, never by the case, always by the six pack. Buting Jack Daniels is a special event (save up all their empties for that purchase). They think the "south's gonna do it again....y'all" Do what again, I'd like to know, since I never knew they did anything the first time. Still refer to the Civil War as the War Of Northern Agression. Names include "Shorty", "Skeeter", Edd (wth 2 Ds), Earl, Rusty, and Vernon. They attened churches with names like "Salvation Crusade Mission" and think Yankees are going to hell when they die. Amen. They use y'all when spekaing to only one person, and say things like "I'm fixin'to go on up to the lake", when the lake is actually South of where they are.

Bubbas: according to my buisness acquaintence (who- if he was 20 years younger - I'd marry on the spot) a Bubba is the southern name for MORON. Apprently, Bubba doesn't have anything to do with being fat. It means that you are a redneck one card short of a full deck. He summed it up: Bubba is a dumb old redneck. Real Names are Steve, Clyde, Earnest, and Arnold but those names have long since been forgotten. Drink Pabst Blue Ribbon, eat religiously at McDonald's, and have one dog that they know of. Typical phrases are indecipherable, but sound mostly like a chuckle, and "wha did y'all jest say?".

Now you know.

and speaking of Leon

2006-02-08T22:50:00.000-05:00

I was in Memphis 2 years ago. I've been all over the country (except Oklahoma -and that doesn't count) and the most racist place I've ever seen in my life is Memphis, TN. One example f pervasive racist attitudes is Leon. That, and the the segragated lunch rooms at the airport there, or the way that people of color don't look you in the eye when you speak to them, or get out of your way when you are walking down the street.

There's this guy who shows up...he looks like a Bubba. All balding Southerners who are over weight are called Bubba (can I get a witness Southern Man????? southern man is a stick-boy by the way...tall, thin....and - now the secret is out - NOT SOUTHERN)

Anyways, Bubba has got a shirt on that says Leon on the name patch. I look at my registration list and don't see a Leon registered for my course - so I ask, with a small smile "Leon - did you register for the course recently?" He looks at me and chuckles and says. "yes maam". and then says "you didn't expect to see a white man named Leon, now did ya..."

and I didn't expect to put my foot in your teeth either, moron! Manm the things you wish you could do when you are in a power suit....

Now about Bubbas. Most names you can get from someplace else. Maggie is Margaret, Dick is Richard (or King Richard as LCH and been so kind to share with us), Bob is Robert, etc. But where the hell do you get Bubba from? or Skip for that matter????

I await your responses. If you know someone named Skip or Bubba, tell them to log on an respond. If they are racists from Memphis, tell them to forget my questions and go back to thier jug of white lightning, and the hope that they come clean when they meet their God.

I'm going to break into a chorus of "southern man" by Neil Young now...good night.

incase you cared...

2006-02-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

my hand still hurts.

It's G-thang...if you understand me

There is the gang of people who make you work out your wrist. They are all called "Leon". Hence the name Gang-Leon.

Who are all these Leons and why do they want my wrist to hurt? My handwriting is atrocious now.

Wait! that's it! All the members of ths Gang-Leon can't write.

Well, that explains it, now doesn't it.

bow your head....

2006-02-06T19:39:00.000-05:00

Grandpa is dead....

Even when he was alive, he wasn't looking all that undead....

Is it any wonder then, that he never won "Quien Es Mas Macho: the Vampire Edtion"????

It hurst worse than it sounds...

2006-02-06T19:25:00.000-05:00

i have a Ganglion. It hurts like h- e-double-hockey-sticks and typing is painful. Am I going to get any sympathy? Probably not, but when you get one, you'll want my sympathy.

Now, it hurst worse than it sounds, and looks worse than that. Fortunately, I don't have one as large (it's wedged in my wrist), but I did have one just like in the following photo and I would BEG my co-worker Jim (not LCH) to just thwack it with a book. He never did. He was an EMT in a former life...you think I'd get some Emergenct Medical Therapy, but nnnooooooo.

I'm not going to beg LCH to thwack me with anything, since the temptation for the heavy book to go astray(namely, towards my head) is too great, and he can't be trusted.

someone deleted my entry!

2006-02-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

DAMMIT!

It was great rant about LCH - and now it's gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't make any references to anything negative...I hope e-blogger isn't censoring random posts of genius...

here' some genius for now:

Al Aliksandarya...is where now...hint: if you say it really fast, you'll get the country...

...heaven...

2006-02-02T00:06:00.000-05:00

"heaven is a place
a place where nothing
nothing ever happens..." - the Talking Heads

I hope when I get to heaven, that nothing ever happens...more specifically, there is NO TV, NO PHONES, and I get to sleep....alot! I'm banking on the quip on a magnet that my oldest son gave me once. It said "drink more coffee: you can sleep when your are dead".

Mind you, I'm in no rush to die. And if I listen to Cream Horn, I'm not going to die. I'm just going to take my tortured soul and inhabit someone else. I hope it's Cream Horn's reincarnation...then he'll never get to sleep!!!

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

I say all this because it is 12:06 a.m. and I'm still awake. I must need another beer.

what i was going to say

2006-01-30T21:36:00.000-05:00

I was going to say something about EuroCommie(insert derogatory adjective here) hairstyles tonight, but the brain is mush. Sure, I had a cranium crack in high school (fractured my skull, actually) and my mother still thinks that's what made me make so many bad decisions in my 20s. So, I guess my 30s were better? nope. And my 40s???? Like I said, Cream Horn will tell you nothing has changed...and then he'll call me a bozo

more on New England Weather

2006-01-29T08:54:00.000-05:00

the other day, I heard a black capped chicakdee...

these are all over Massachusetts...a mighty bird...mighty small, that is, and it is our State Bird....figures..

So this bird makes a noise like it is singing "fee-bee" ...and people call it a Pheobe...not to be confused with Pheobe the horse*.

*this long running joke between Lord Cream Horn and started when, as children we were playing scrabble or boggle and one of our siblings
put down "Feebe" and when LCH questioned the word, the other sibling - idignantly - said "well it's the name of a horse!"...at that point I didn't have the heart to say "actually, you spelled it wrong")

So the Pheobe, and the crows are in hyperdrive outside my window. Normally, I would take this as an encouraging sign, but I know better. This is New England and it will snow 2 feet and drop to 5 degrees F before the month is out. Nonetheless, I hold firm my belief that early bird calls - aside from broadcasting their mating intentions ("Chirp chirp = do me! do me!) - mean an early and protracted spring. That's the good news. The bad news means that this summer will suck.

Should I move to warmer climes? NAH! I'd have nothing to b*tch about...wait...yes I would.

and here's what really happened

2006-01-27T21:02:00.000-05:00

oh, the shame, Cream Horne's manifesto that didn't make it as a post. Once can only wonder what it said: BUT NOT THIS ONE! I was probably unjustly accused of getting all "smeft" about someone drinking beer that I had brought.

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What happened was this: I actually questioned my friend as to why she thought for even a second that the beer wasn't there to be enjoyed? Heck, you leave been in my fridge, it's mine...if you didn't want me to drink it, you should have taken it with you. I am still at a loss to know why she even gave me the opportunity to say "DON'T DRINK IT". I guess she's more polite than I will ever be.

Now, there ARE exceptions. Another of my friends (that's right Cream Horm - I have more than one friend) came over last Sunday night and left a 6 of Italian Beer in the fridge. Having had company earlier in the day, my fridge was stocked with much brew and even some wine. Have I touched the Italian beer? NAY!!!! NAY, I SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why? Because my friend is not of large means, and I think it best to leave it here until she visits again. UNLESS I get desperate - which, I don't expect anytime in the future, since Italians are great at wine making, but suck as brewers.....why lie...

and now, back to my Heffewiezen: "Flying Dog Ale - In Heat Wheat". Don't jump to any conclucions about the name, LCH!!!!!!!

Social Quandry # 471: Propriety of Potables

2006-01-26T06:42:00.000-05:00

I get an email from a dear friend saying that if I left some beers in her fridge and if I don't get a response to the email in 5 minutes, then she's going to drink them and hopes I don't mind.

question: did she need to ask, and what should have my response (if i had answered...which i didn't until the next day) been?

Let me have your answers, and I'll tell you what happened on the next post.

For the record, I left beers at Cream Horn's this summer...they stayed there for weeks and he finally gave in and drank them - without asking, mind you.

this is not a free buffet line!

2006-01-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

...you know who you are...

you come by the blog, read the posts, and leave. Take 30 seconds out of your life and get a user name so you can post!

Those of you who have a user name...POST MORE OFTEN.

This is not a threat. I know who you are, and you know who you are, so we know who each other is, and that means I know where you live. I'll show up at your house, demand beer and leave at 11:30 on a work night. Don't let this happen to you. Ask Cream Horn about what it's like having me over late at night...it's not pretty...

For those of you unfamiliar with New England Weather

2006-01-22T20:15:00.000-05:00

here's the way it goes:

last week, mid40s early in the week. Rose to 60 on Friday. Saturday, mid 50s and windy as h e double hockey sticks. Today - struggling to get up to 40. It was supposed to rain Sun, but it's clear and sunny.

Which brings me to most wasteful job in the world: New England Weather Forecaster. Now, I imagine in boring weather places like Arizona, and Southern Cal, you have a weather announcer. Up here in the ever changing, highly unpreditcable North East, we have WEATHER GUYS!!!! That's right a full 5 minutes (that's a mighty long time for a 20 minute news cast) on the "outlook". They don't dare call it forecast, because forecast means you've used some data, crunched it, and you get a prediction of what the weather will be.

From late September to May, it's really any body's guess. But no, the weather guys up here have all kinds of fnacy names for the shoddy math models they run and post on the 6:00 news: "Future Cast" "Accu-weather". And then we have the rating system "The Ghiorse Factor", is one of them; it's been around for about 25 years. If I were Meterologist Ghiorse, I'd have my attorney contact Bill O' Rielly and discuss trade mark infringement.

Here's where it gets good. The wheather witch-doctors (and that's really what they are...this is New England, it can go any way at any moment) charge top $ to show up a schools and teach kids about the weather. What is there to teach?!?!? Stick you hand out the window and dress accordingly.

We have a saying up here "don't like the weather??? wait 15 minutes" Apparently the weather wizzards haven't wisened up to that wisdom.

I'm going to be a Weather Witch. I'm going to get my mug on TV, get a huge clothing allowance, get my hair done up and have live shots every of me every morning, sticking my hand out the window and looking up at the sky and say "it's a 3 out of 10 broomsticks day out there kiddies, get your umbrella and galoshes". Then I'll do what nearly every New Englander does: B*TCH about the weather. Like there is anything we can do about it.

The Saga of Sickness Continues....

2006-01-20T19:16:00.001-05:00

Here we see a normal spine

so it' can't belong to me, of course. After feeling queasy, I end up in pain and at the Chiropracter. So I'm not miserable enough when he says' it feels like I have an indentation of the spine...it's like curvature, but instead of curving laterally, it curves inward. And I forgot the medical term for it. Well thank you very much.

So, I go to get "adjusted". Bad news: i'm still a bit uncomfortable. Good news: I get to lay on this hydro bed that massasages the areas they are going to work on.

HEAVEN!!!!!!!!! It is shear heaven. Just before the hell of the pretzle pop...rolls me on my side tiwst my and THUCK! something about a Sacro Ilnia being out of place. At least now I can stand up straight instead of being hunched over like Quasi Modo. I bet if Quasi had access to a Chiropractor, he would have learned that yanking on ropes to toll a bell was not such a good idea.

Results from the Xrays come Monday, and if I don't like them, I'm going to put on my best "I'd like another opinion of this" voice. I'm trying it out right now: "I'd like another opinon of this". There, that sounded concerned, but determined.

Cream Horn fell off a ladder this summer. I know it is rotten to laugh at other people's misfortunes, but the thought of him falling makes me crack up...I'm going to be punished now, I just know it. Any minute now, my phone will ring....

i've got a peaceful, queasy feelin'

2006-01-16T19:56:00.000-05:00

So I get a sour stomach and want to hurl. I go out to get a plain toasted bagel to suck up the acid until I cam come to the MIRACLE that is Alka-Sletzer. I've got the paper bag the bagel came in...do I heave ho in it???

No, but I will keep it on hand for my next flight.

In case no one has noticed, Airlines (in their ever increasing need to decrease costs so that the union workers can get paid exhorbitant amounts of money - except the pilots and the attendants...they deserve it...the baggage manglers, don't) hav'ent been offering barf bags since 2003 in some cases. This makes them....

COLLECTIBLE!!!!

(notice the putrid green color)

2006-01-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

I laughed out loud on this one and still have the hiccups. If you haven't visited "scrappleface" on my side bar, you should. We all need a laugh in these strange days...!

Iran Years from Nuke, U.N. Decades from Action
by Scott Ott
(2006-01-13) — Although Iran’s nuclear weapons engineers could take years to deploy a working missile, experts agree they could do so, “even if they weren’t really trying”, before the United Nations could deploy an enforceable resolution to halt Iran’s nuclear ambitions.
“The U.N. is still in the early stages of developing effective diplomatic measures,” said an unnamed U.N. spokesman, “We have the rudiments of the technology. We gather. We enjoy fine food and wine. We talk. We write. We dress well. But it will take a long time to agree upon a Security Council resolution condemning Iran. And only then does the 12-year enforcement clock start ticking.”
According to the most recent estimates, by the time the U.N. decides to enforce any resolution, the Iranian Council of Guardians — composed of Muslim clerics and legal scholars — will have a panel of glowing red buttons before them labeled Jerusalem, Paris, London, Berlin, Washington D.C., Moscow, Beijing and U.N. HQ.
U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan urged Europe, the U.S. and Israel to have patience with Iran, calling the likelihood of a nuclear missile launch from the Islamic republic, “remote…a one-in-a-dozen chance.”
“But if we impose sanctions, like cutting off Iran’s foreign oil sales,” Mr. Annan said, “It will just drive up the cost of gas at the pump, and we all know what a political bombshell that can be.”

Sunday Morning Rant

2006-01-15T10:04:00.000-05:00

Last night, I finally saw "the Chronicles of Narnia".

GEEK ALERT! GEEK ALERT!!

What a movie! At last, a screenwriter and director get it right!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not like that formerly fat, balding Kiwi and his team of revisionist "screen writers" over at LOTR. I'm getting angry again...

RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT!

How many lines does Arwen have in the 1st book???? NONE!!!! Why are we forced to endure that insulting scene ast the Fjord then???? WHY??? WHY??? Or that Matrix fight scene at Isengard? Or Farmir wanting the ring??? or....oh, jeesh, I'm getting angrier....

I felt like my beloved LOTR had been violated. And I still feel that way...no, LCH, I don't feel violated, so save your coments...

Does the fact that the Tolkien Estate refused assistance with the movie tell you anything?!?!?!?!? Sure, Simon Tolklien went to see it, and loved it - but he had a book out at the time...which I read. It was a clever murder mystery book, but nothing you wouldn't get from any other writer, really. Decent plot, twist ending.

You know, I used to post my rants regularly at Valaquenta.com It's a link on my side bar. Those off you are TolkienNerds should check it out. Very good discussion on the texts, replete with citations by lay-scholars of the good professor.

I expect Lord Cream horn won't visit the site. He's too busy with his alternate reality book: "Crop Circles and Reincarnation: the link Revealed". heh heh heh...

I need a hand held power drill

2006-01-14T23:26:00.000-05:00

Sure, I've got a power drill, but I don't have an extnesion cord long enough to take it outside.

So....

do I go to a hardward store and purchase a realllllllllly loooooooooooong one, or do I just harrass Lord Cream Horn into coming over with his????

I have beer, by the way, but it's going fast....

sickenss visits Lord Cream Horn

2006-01-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

last check (a bout 24 hours ago) Lord Cream Horn was sick. If he is still sick at the time of this post, it must be the 48 hour bug and not the 24 hour bug.

There will be no sympathy on this side of the city, LCH. And no, you can't have my remaining kidney. Suffer, suffer I tell you!!! Unless it's kidney stones, then get some drugs.

And speaking of kindeys....I only have one. No problem, I get along fine with my massive single kindey that filters better than anything you are toting around, I'm sure. But, I digress...

I now live in fear of having my lone renal organ removed. When you read this article of twisted logic, you'll see why.

This guy is porbably the same fool that thinks Massachusetts should give instate tuition to illegal aliens. HELLO: I L L E G A L!!!

Update on the Naysheen!

2006-01-10T22:53:00.000-05:00

Commander Fizz-Bin has escaped from the refugee camp, leaving it is the capable hands of Maj. Desmond and Sgt. Sydney, who are still preforming vital roles as covert double agents at the camp. Photos of either cannot be released for security reasons. Photos of the Commander are being released as a warning to the sworn enemies of that Nayshee. Be afraid...be very afraid.

And lest we forget why the need for secrecy, remember it's all in the name of THE LEEEEEEEDAH!!!!!!!!!!

Previous entry deleted

2006-01-10T22:51:00.000-05:00

I thought ranting and venting would help, but it just made it worse....yes, worse for the commies on the left, because now I have a mission.....FEAR ME LOSERS!

Special thanks to 88chick and Lord Cream Horn for their encouraging words. Mostly thanks for Lord Cream Horn for reminding me that I should have another beer....going to do that right now....

"Beer is proof that God loves us" - Benjamin Franklin (and you cant argue with Ben...mostly because he's dead)

The Flat Tire Test

2006-01-08T23:21:00.000-05:00

There are all kinds of emails going around and around about how to numberically determine who your best friend is, how to tell if your neighbor is a commie, etc.

I measure a person by what I call "The FLAT TIRE TEST". It's simple: you are on the highway, in the rain, at night and you get a flat. The person that you call is someone who will not only fix the tire, but not give you grief about having to come out in the rain to fix it.

Here's my Flat Tire List.

Lord Cream Horn
My friend EB
My Cousin S.Q.
My Mom

Now, I didn't say anything about what these people would actually say and do if I called them - much less show up.

LCH: would come, after swearing, and then proceed to make me stand in the rain and watch his mighty tire changing tehcnique. With him would be duct tape and WD-40, though neither would be useful. He'd have them because he would know that I wouldn't...and you can't swear at someone for not having duct tape and WD-40 in their trunk, if they actually have it in their trunk, now can you?

EB: would come but would want directions and for me to keep my cell phone on for a change. I'd be saying I'm sorry a million times and she'd say if I apologized one more time, she'd leave me there. And then we'd go get beer.

My cousin & her husband: least amount of Grief of any kind. Her husband would come though, because he's a gentleman, and he'd have someone to smoke with. I would want to go back to their house and play with their cats, but they'd insist that I go home and dry off...I think they suspect me of brainwashing their cats...

MOM: mom would tell me to call AAA, then ask if I was ok, and then tell me to come over after I got it fixed and have some pasta or some pie or custard she made - with REAL whipped cream - For Italians, food makes everything alllll better. Then she'd drive me to work the next day.

Not a bad group - eh?

"Quien Es Mas Macho: The Game Show Host Edition!"

2006-01-08T20:33:00.000-05:00

Pronouced "key -enn ess mahs mah-cho" for those who don't speak Spanish -wich should be all of us.

and speaking of speaking English - imagine my surprise when a I get a cab driver in Cincinnati who is from Muritania -and he's going off about people who refuse to speak English.

And now, the fun:

Quien es mas macho:

Bob Barker

o

Bob Eubanks?

Wink Martendale

o

Monty Hall? (my money is on Monty)

Peter Marshall

o

Chuck Wollery?

Don Francisco (from "Sabado Gigante" - don't say you never watch it LCH, because I know you do!)

o

Guy Smiley?????

MY LAST MICROSOFT UPDATE....EVER!

2006-01-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

So, I turn my PC on after being away fro a few days, and Macafee is screaming at me that it couldn't update my PC for 3 days. Yeah, well, sorry Macafee, but I shut my PC OFF when I'm not using it.

So I figure, while I'm in the updating mode, that I'll have a looksee at the Microsoft website to see what's what in terms of updates. And there were, so I did.

What I have now is this gradient color thing on most of the left side of my monitor. Sure, about 7 years ago that would have looked cool, but now it just irks me. I'm hoping Justin will tell me that this isn't and upgrade, but a warning that my monitor is dying, and that Bill Gates is a commie... Lord Cream Horn will envariably link this new color scheme out to something irrelevant, like cheese...I'll wait and see.

VINDICATED!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-04T20:22:00.000-05:00

listen...carefully....you can hear me say "I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

read this: www.dumbldoreisnotdead.com (go to the snape clues page....)

VINDICATED, I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With your host........Alex Trebek!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

To be sure, Alex Trebek is the MAN...except when he gives the answers Jeopary questions in flawless french, complete with annoying pronounciation. Damn Habs. The worst of all possible worlds: FRENCH CANADIANS!!!!!!!!

Here is a chronology of the Guru of all Gameshows...let's have your captions!

COMMING SOON: "QUIEN ES MAS MACHO: Game Show Host Edition!"

self-absorbed??? hardly!!!

2005-12-30T21:20:00.000-05:00

Sure, Lord Cream Horn....all but ONE of the pics was self-abosrbed....

Here are the answers, 2 days early:

Adam West

Jerry Garcia (other than that song "Hell in a Bucket", I don't like the Dead at all)

Barnabas is the MAN - not Kirk!!!!

if you had actually THOUGHT about the hints, LCH, you would have gooten it....BOZO!

last set of hints...

2005-12-29T21:05:00.000-05:00

you people either have the personalities of a soap dish, or you just aren't interested. These are your last hints for "Before they were Famous: the Quiz"

photo #1 DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

photo #2 "holy Photo-shop, (((insert the person's character here)))"

Photo #3 he got really chubby, like "Jelly-Roll" (Jelly-Roll, not Cream Horn)

Photo #4 "WILLLY!!!!!!!!!!! WILLY!" <

You will all get the answers on New Years...

HEY!!!JUSTIN!!! Guess what?!?!?!

2005-12-28T19:37:00.000-05:00

this was my word verifcation on a right wing blog:

oilqnbpk

that's right!! OIL...Quatar needs BP's kick! Wow - you are right- it really is about oil!!!!!!!! Maybe next time I'll get Halliburton scrambled: lubhalrntoi!!

"Before they were really famous": the Quiz!

2005-12-26T13:58:00.000-05:00

Guess who these folks are - or were - no, unless they are dead, they certainly will be "are"... wait - one of them is dead...okay: guess who three of these guys ARE and one that WAS.

NO CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first one is easy; if you can get the fourth one you are a bigger geek than I am...

It's time to put on the sequined Kippot!

2005-12-26T13:36:00.000-05:00

My son has a "Magic Adventure Traveling Yamulke" or how ever you spell it...my Hebrew sux...I'm trying to learn, because some day I hope to speak Arabic and be one of those translators that you hear on the news...I often wonder if they are really literally translating? I'd rather hear the truth of the matter: "my goats are now stricken with cholera thankas to the infidels", instead of what comes out to be "Allah is great. And we like this heat, thank you very much".

So he's got the MATY that he wears for oberservances and services, etc. The irony here is that when he was in the Eastern part of Iraq, doing stuff with the Iraqi National Guard, the all thought he was Iraqi. "you don't have to lie to us - your mother is Egyptian - yes?" they'd say. What a riot. I hope he doesn't have his kippot on under his kevlar helmet...

Anyways, it's day 2 of the Festival of Lights. Read this...it's an interesting story for those qhoe don't know. Didn't put the menorah in the window. But I am lighting 8 candles in the house of the course of the next week. It's the thought that counts, etc... Jews gets lots of signs of from God in their scripture (see Cream Horn - I spelled it out this time!) but Christians get two big events: the birth and the resurrection. I think God was trying to tell us something...still don't know what...

Hermey Gets a SPINE for Christmas

2005-12-25T13:28:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the year when the claymation childrens specials hit the airwaves and the cable lines. It's that time of year when I am that I can no longer watch these programs with children because the temptation to pull an MST3K is too overpowering. I'll say something and unwittingly expose the child to something considered either profane or not in line with normal parental beleifs...BUT NOT THIS YEAR FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year for Christams, Hermey the Denstist Wanna-be elft gets a spine, and tells the FAT Oppressor Elf what he really thinks:

(OPRESSOR ELF IS ON THE LEFT, ABOVE)

"stuff it in your stocking, big nosed fat-boy! I'm not going to bow to you, your sycophant, or your male corporate oppression! I've got these now and you can bite my (explitives deleted)"

Now, if you and the Mrs. ever want to have little elves again, you'll can it with the forced labor, lifestyle demands about singing and being merry, and step aside, before I whip out a can of my possee on your (explitive deleted)"

..."so long, suckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

ho ho ho!

2005-12-25T13:22:00.000-05:00

enojy, y'all...

click on the "osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer" Video...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE MEN AND WOMEN OF OUR ARMED FORCES, STATIONED OVERSEAS THIS SEASON ...

and a big THANK YOU to the 3-172nd Moutain Infantry who proved that -while there aren't alot of mountains in Iraq- that whoopin' you-know-what and takin' names knows no geography!!!! Hoo-ah and all that!

RODENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-19T20:24:00.000-05:00

IF THIS ISN'T THE DEFINITION OF "WRONG" I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS....

Waiting for it to come around...

2005-12-17T23:52:00.000-05:00

yes, the baby naming craze of old biblical names and biblical derivative names.

In the '80s everyone names their kid"Justin (sorry there, Commie-Killer), Joshua, Jacob...a few clever ones got Jeremy, and Jared. There was the Alexis, Cystal, Ellen, Molly, Ashley, Jenifer (all now magically renamed "Jen"). The '90s gave us the Brendon/Brandon boom and theCaitlyn craze. Dear Lord above, I can't stand that name. Now everyone is going for the quasi-old school names, like Olivia, Lilly, Johmatthew, Elliot....

When do we go back to the cool names like Jebediah, and Ebenizer, Nehemaia? And what about those cool '40s names like Harriet, Myrtle and Polly?

I'm past my baby naming days...but if I did have a girl she'd be called Luthien Tinuviel. (begin TolkienNerd insults here) or Arcadia Elise...or, Anson Elias if it was a boy.

Those of you planning on having children, go for the meaty names: Gunther is a good start. Griselda is another winner.

I'll be here waiting for the birth announcements.

My name, by the way, is cooler than yours....it is a mighty goddess name mentioned in 2 - that's right 2 - Shakespeare plays...you can't say the same, unless your name is Mercuccio, which is only mentioned in one play, and which I highly doubt is your birth name.

DONE!!!

2005-12-17T23:44:00.000-05:00

yes, my Annual Pagan Ritualistic Spending of Cash is complete! And that has nothing to do with what I'm going to ask you:

Mexican Food (the real stuff- not Taco Bell) or Italian???

Sea food or Fried Chicken???

Veitnames or Thai???

I like Vietnamese, but I have to go into Boston to get it. Their writing also looks cooler than Chinese, so there's a vote right there.

Mexican or Italian? mexican : my mom can cook for me anytime she wants. She never makes those Zeoppoli though (that's Italian for Cream Horns)

Sea food or Fried Chicken? Niether. I've decided to get into that whole PETA thing and lobby and protest for the rights of crustaceans. JOIN ME!!!!!!!!!!

just say NO!!!!

Cran???? Cram???

2005-12-12T22:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, My brother, Lord Cream Horn, insists that the words are
Comin' and a courtin', etc etc cranbone, not crambone

My co-worker (who considers himself a "Southern Man") << insert Neil Young tune here and sing along ...I'm too lazy to get the link...says he thinks it's cranone too. That of course, began the devolution of polite office chatter, when deciding between CRAN and CRAM for a bone...and let's just say the rest can't be repeated. Some southern gentlemen. I declare! My sensibilites are shocked and I feel faint! (Y'all).

So, I search google and can't find anything on the top lyrics sites. Cream Horn insists it's something to do with "Cranbone, Cranbone, where have you been" and something having to do with visiting the queen. I'd like to say CH is wrong, but he rarely is, so I'm asking the blogospherites to help me with this one. And you can't answer CH...and no swaying anyone's opinion, or I'll show up at your house...

In the meantime, you all can quell this controversy by substituting Cran/Crambone with "Cream Horn" and sing along!! heck, why save it for yourself, call Lord Cream Horn and sing it to him at work!!! He'll love it, trust me...

Vast Right Wing Conspiracists: take note of the side-bar

2005-12-10T18:30:00.000-05:00

A new addition to the links section includes a member of the VWRC, located in Maryland. Visit her blog, and wish her well. It's not easy being a VWRC in a world of Left-wing Hypocrites...

3 Cheers for FEMALE RIGHTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rah
rah
rah!

Lord Cream Horn Kicks Grass

2005-12-10T18:02:00.000-05:00

...Blue Grass that is!

Yes, it ws a crambone-fest and I missed it. I had the wrong month. I swore that he said "January 19th, I'll be playing with some serious blue-grass people...are you comming" and I said "yes! definitely". I'm just beginning to appreciate Blue Grass for the uniquiely American music that it is...not this country-western crap they've got going on these days. I want some banjo pickin'. washbaord rubbin', jug hootin' stuff, man. Like, say Crambone.

Does anyone but me remember Cousin Pecos on that cartoon doing Crambone? I bet my brother Bill does.

Here we see Cousin Pecos>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now, sing along!

Commin' & a'courtin' he did ride in...c-c-c-c-c- crambone!
commin' & a'courtin' he did ride in...c-c-c-c- crambone!
commin' & a'courtin' he did ride in
commin' & a'courtin he did ride in
commin' & a'courtin he did ride in...c-c-c-c crambone!

Ridin' in on six white horses c-c-c-c- crambone
ridin' in on six white horses c-c-c-c crambone! etc etc

Ridin in all fit to marry...c-c-c-c crambone! etc etc

anyway, you get the picture...continue without me....

the south is going to rise again

2005-12-09T19:52:00.000-05:00

My friend at work (who reads this blog BUT NEVER POSTS A COMMENT!!!!!) was vacationing in Bermuda where a bunch of Americans had congrigated at a bar and were telling each other where they were from. One man said, I'm from Florida, but I consider myself, a "Southern Man" (insert Neil Young tune here)

Since that day, my co-wroker and I exchange pleasantries each day, complete with Southern accents. My cowroker is quite the US History buff, having read many texts on the Revolutionary War, and mostly the Civil War. Both he and I have visited the south on business numerous times, and always walk away wondering "why don' they wake up and realize it's over?" Still, it is fodder for humor at work. Here is an example:

Two gentlemen from NJ came to my company to get specialized instruction on our instrumentation. One had a limp...and so it started...

email from Co-worker:
"Why Diane, shame on your southern soul for making that nice northern gentleman with the severe limp walk around our humble establishment for a tour. I expect a seasoned southern belle like yourself to have offered to carry him on the tour, we must remember our southern hospitality when receiving gentleman callers" - A Southern Man.

to which I responded:

"He was wounded by a rebel soldier…"

which immediately resulted in the following response:

"Praise the southern man who pumped lead into that Yankee, all the bluebellies should receive the same from our gallant young men in the field. Be careful how nicely you treat these northern aggressors as people are watching everybody closely these days to report sympathizers and spies while the great conflagration continues." - A Southern Man

Conflagration... now there's a word I heavent heard in ages. If the left knew what the word meants (much less be able to pronounce it - Sen Robert "Big Bird" Byrd withstanding - they'd use that word to descrbe Iraq. Now I'm off to go look it up....

Bah ! Humbug!

2005-12-08T21:51:00.000-05:00

I bet old Ebenzer didn't like shmaltzy Chritmas Carols...and neither do I!

There is the one radio station (WSNE 93.3 Taunton, MA/Providence, RI) that decides that after 5:00 p.m. they have to play non-stop annoying "Christmas" Tunes. Is there anything worse than "Rockin Around The Christmas Tree" or Stevie Nicks' "Slient Night"? Steive sounds like a sheep that learned to sing! Then of course, there is the ever infectous Tribute to A-B-A format: "Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano. He wants to wish me a Merry Christmans, so just hurry up and do it and get a song with a better theme format, dammit!

It was 25 years ago to this day, that I actually enjoyed Christams Carols. I was a Sr. in high school and my brother, Lord Cream Horn, had to submit 6 variations on a Christmas Carol for his Senior Thoery/Compostion class at in college. I hope it wasn't Dr. "Personality-Like-a-Soap Dish" aka "Needs-More-Work" Marciniak! Or worse: Dr. "Blow Dried to Perfection" Ely...scary humans....scary

Anyways, CH wrote 6 variations on "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem". They went from the sublime to the ridiculous. There was a very heart wrenching version written in minor retrograde, if I recall, and even a Polka Version. I only know this because I played flute and piano accompanyment on them. That was back when I had talent. Now all I have is greys that don't stay covered so well with Clairol,,and no Christmas Spirit.

the pout-y face

2005-12-04T12:34:00.000-05:00

pout-y face, because no one has started responding to my Acronym Challenge.

If Morgan the Cat (aka Leedah!) were here, he's respond...

I'm going to go pout some more now, take a shower and continue Christmas shopping. I like Wicked Witch of the West stuff, for those of you who don't know what to get me, by the way...

It's a new month and that means

2005-12-01T20:16:00.000-05:00

a NEW Acronym Challenge!!!!

This month, you will use the seemingly nonsensical word verfication letters you get to make a sensible Holiday/Christmas/Chanukah/Kawnza/Pagan Ritual of Your Choice sentence!!!!!!!

Good luck!

p.s. Justin...I promise I'll announce the winners AFTER your semester finals, so you can relax !

Merry Christmas..no, too Christian...Happy Chanukah..no, too religious....ummm Happy Shopping Season??

2005-11-27T08:21:00.000-05:00

I offer this post as a public service announcement to the members of the Left, Commies, Citizens of the Poeple's Republic of Massachusetts and their parent organization: CALIFORNIA 9 th Curcuit Court of Appeals.

Whilst visiting the Good Folks over at Perrero, I noticed this post. Well, folks I am now officially offended, but unlike the social nazis who want us all to march in lock step to their lame visions of liberalism, I won't whine, and I won't go to court. Personally, I'm a huge proponent of "if thine eye be offended, pluck it out", but that would mean that all the libero-commies would be blind, and suckingup federal tax $ getting special treatment, so instead, I offer this: Verbal Redaction With Charm...anyone notice the acronym??? (that's how I'm going to topple their evil regime...by ingratiating myself and bringing them down from the inside!!!!)

This plays well into the leftie view of inoffensive speech, by modifying the speech - not banning it - and lets us speak with the political correctness that is part and parcel of a socialist society. Remember Postman??? It's Postal Worker now. See my point?? I'm just taking it one step further.

Here are the phrases that can be construed as offensive, and their replacement verbiage:

"that place was lit up like a Christmas Tree" is now "......Holiday Conifer"

after a sneeze: "God Bless you" is now "Allah-Ja-Yaweih-Buddah-Jesus excuse you"

"heaven knows why I did that" is now the "gallactic infinite knows why..."

Please, add your own. I hope to publish a Manual to the National Educators Association that can be distributed in public schools for use during what should have been normal instructional time.

ARGHHH!!! Terror on the High Seas!!

2005-11-27T07:58:00.000-05:00

...well, on the East Bay, which isn't to deep, at least that's what the little digital thingie on Cap'n Cream Horn's instrument panel says...damn if I can read it...

At last, here are the pictures from the 1st Celebration of International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Most people will wave at anything, so when we did our "float-by pirating" and were shouting "HARGGH!!" and "Bilge Rats, th' lot o' ye!", etc. most people waved...some looked frightened, which is a normal response for a vessel full of pirates Arrrrh!

When it looked as if we weren't going to make progress spreading the word about ITLAPD, it became apparent the the Captain had to go. Luckly, 1st Mate Rubbershoes knew how to take the helm, so we wouldn't be set adrift (a whopping 500 yards from shore).

Mutiny is an offense of treason, pirates, or not. I'll never been hung alive, I tell ye! Besides, Capt. Cream Horn has found a second carreer: playing handi-man at my new pad!!!!

No life? No Ambition? Too much time on your hands?

2005-11-21T18:40:00.000-05:00

Have I got the game for you!!!!!!!

Diner Dash. You can spend hours running around a simulated restaurant waiting on impatient business ladies, 20 something college slackers who want to be seated first and tip CRAP, old men gumming their food and holding up tables as if they were land squatters...

I have become obssesed with the game - so much so that I bought the game for $19.95 and now I am going about the slow, methodical business of building a restaurant empire!!!! I'm not the cook, just the waitress, so there's no risk of illness.

Someone - said I'd be a good waitress because I have a "good personality for that stuff". I don't think it was Cream Horn who said it, because it would have been a compliment, and CH gives out compliments as frequently as his hair grows...

I could never be a waitress because someone would end up in a pool of blood on the floor - and it wouldn't be me. I have no patience for people as a rule. I am, though, patient in line, and a very patient and polite traveler. I have no manners or patience for people in restaurants who think that just because you are bringing them a plate with food, they can say and do what they want, and for the 20 minutes to 1 hour of their lives, they have a servant. Maybe folks are different everywhere else in the USA, but up here in the People's Republic of Massachusetts, where members of the VRWC are in short supply, and rudeness is abundant, I can not be a waitress.

who is EB and why doesn't she get blogging?

2005-11-17T00:09:00.000-05:00

A few facts about EB:

1) is a graphic designer and doesn't enjoy messing around on a computer after work like some people who have no lives...
2) she has been to Paris and confirms that it was a mistake
3) is part of the problem, because she's not a part of the Noggin Nation
4) is cursed (pool filter problems, heating system problems, found a snake sitting on her toilet last week and was too freaked out to sleep in her OWN home)
5) has whacked out neighbors

She doesn't understand what blogging is and why it is amusing. Apparently, I have to step up the "Quien es mas Macho" the Game Show Host Version" post...

Lord Cream Horn Sulks in his Castle

2005-11-17T00:07:00.000-05:00

somewhere, in a town in the PRC of Massachusetts (home of the East Coast Commies), there is a Lord sulking. does he smile? does he post on the Blog that was created in his honor??? NAY I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He sulks, and sulks, about who knows what...and then comes and installs a wicked cool venting system for my dryer...and then returns to sulking...

all the proof you need...

2005-11-17T00:04:00.000-05:00

this proves that the french are related to amphibious creatures...and if it doesn't, it's still freakin' funny...

Geeks, prepare!

2005-11-13T09:53:00.000-05:00

HP-IV comming this weekend!!! This is to HP Fans what the opening of the new IKEA in Stoughton, MA is - with less traffic. I will most likely be in costume, if it's not too cold. I will not be embarassed, either.

And on the subject of Prof. Snape....

the Harry Potter - IV that is comming out (already shown in Saudi Arabia; what's up with that I'd like to know) has it that there will be little - if any - Snape action this time. What is a Rickmaniac like me supposed to do???? For the time being I must keep myself amused, as only a Rickmaniac can. For the rest of you watch the trailer for the movie.

I know that Cream Horn is rolling his eyes at this HP hooplah...have you even READ the series, CH???? too busy reading about past life regression, I'll bet.

Join the rest of the planet, CH and read it...your blood relations in Italia are reading it:

<<HP and the Pot of Ruined Pasta: in this version Voldemort doesn't get the Al Dente he desires and trouble ensues. Mad Eye Mooney is found to be able to make on heck of an Aglio Olio and all is saved...for the time being...

Even in the Iran: Empire of the Intolerant, they have embraced HP...of course it has been re-written to include supplimental chapters on the great satan of the west.

In this version, HP is actually one of Allah's Messengers. Each chapter beings with "Allah is great" and explains that - while Mohammed is the only true prohpet of the true G-D - HP has been sent to vanquish the Evil Spawn of Satan from the West(aka USA). With the help of his Tiger (China) and Frog (France) buddies, he aims to rid Hogwarts and the rest of the world of Infidels.

In this original version though, HP cannot succeed. As it turns out the Frog acutally doesn't think Allah is great, it just thinks that at last it found a new home for the glut of nuclear reactor plans the Frog Nation has been storing up waiting for the "big moment" to come. The Tiger gives up on HP and decides to focus on the Frog, since it's much eaier to screw the Frog and all his ilk than it is to continue screwing the ESSW. As it turns out, the copies of this version have been reomved from the shelves in Iran and replaced with ones that squarely blame HP's defeat on Israel. The 3rd Edition is expected to be released on 2006 with a note stating that "this book has been found to be blasphemous - thanks be to Allah that we have destroyed any remaining copies of the 1st & 2nd Editions". And then, the rest of book turns out to be the Qu-Ran.

Who missed me?????

2005-11-11T00:07:00.000-05:00

No one?!?! LIES!!!! I know you were all logging in daily to see if the LD had her internet connection on...wonder no more:

I'M HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

updates:
1) I've moved
2) where I moved rules
3) can't figure out why my electric bill is double my old apartment's bill for only 10 days of use!
4) went to Vegas. Vegas = Orlando, FLA + New Orleans, LA
5) went to Pittsburgh. Western PA is a beautiful place, but no one can give me a straight answer on how long it takes to get plowed out in the winter...anyone who's been to Pittsburgh will understand me
6) Elvis has left Vegas...had to deal with a "reasonable facsmilie" expect photos next week
7) I won 75 cents on a slot machine and I still can't tell you how...

now that I'm back, the silliness will continue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks all for waiting patiently (the good folks at Perrero) and some not so patiently (RAY!)

one last item:

if you beleive in the power of prayer please pray for my son Mike and his unit. The 2nd half of his deployment is a very harsh and dangerous mission. Pray that they continue to have the ability to be the confident and capabile soldiers they have to be, and for G-d's blessings. thanks :)

Happy Halloween....!!!

2005-10-29T19:01:00.000-04:00

not going out for halloween? stay in and try this.

GOING....GOING....

2005-10-28T17:48:00.000-04:00

this blog will be inactive From 10/31 through whenever Verizon hooks me up...I'm moving, and my DSL won't be turned on at least until 11/6...at which time I will be bound for a trip to Vegas on business. ( I don't gamble, and I'm only going to make a technical presentation and listen to other presentations...and to find an Elvis Impersonator)

So feel free to fill the comments up until I get back on the 10th (unless I can connect from the road).

Blog at you all soon!

Pet peeves...and not the domesticated types

2005-10-26T20:48:00.000-04:00

Check out my bolg archives for July and you will see an entry about one of by biggest pet peeves: rattleDdoritos bags and chomping chips.

Add to that list:

chewing with ones mouth open: this is why I don't own a gun
smacking gum: ditto
riding my bumper in a no pass zone: this exclusively is done by men in trucks and men in Grand Prix cars in SE New England...must be something they treat the car interior with
empty Pop-Tart (Registered TM Kellogs) boxes: that is the definition of disappointment
the blue screen of death on windows 98: bite me Bill Gates
the "program not responding" message on Windows XP: most stable systme my a**
liars at work

and your pet peeves??????

winner of the Acronym Challenge

2005-10-23T23:08:00.000-04:00

FIRST PLACE: Justin the "commie-slugger"

cgizc
communist girls in zionist cars ...because it is always about commies...

SECOND PLACE: Lord Cream Horn

CSWRGYG
Can someone welcome really goofy young guys?..I don't know, can they???

THIRD PLACE: Vertigo

RITVD

retro idiots tag vegetarians diligently...good 1st try Vertigo!

Now witness the coolness that is MINE:

INKKKQ: Ink Kills Kosmonauts Quickly!!!!!!!!

Congratulations!
...now you can rest easier, Justin....

Moving, but not grooving...

2005-10-23T19:15:00.000-04:00

Am I the only person who has ever been stressed about about an impending move? I'm an inch away from hiring some tootheless day workers to do the move for me, since I'm not sure about the # of reliable bodies I have access to. Sure, my nephews (who are aweome beyond words!) will help. My oldest said he'd help... I can't rely on Cream Horn because if I was responsible for any damge to his back, I'd never forgive myself (he fell off a ladder this summer...it's funny now that I think of it, but it's really not nice to laugh at people who fell 10 feet...well, it's not polite to say that it's funny, at least)

So, I could just leave everything on the curb, but that's only an invitation to my current slumlord tracking me down and demanding that I pay to have it moved. I could take it with me, and stow it in the basement, which is most likely what will happen.

I have to borrow a dolly from work. Why are they called Dollies...they don't look like Dolls.

Wait!!! I just had an epiphany!!!!!!!!! My friend EB has a sawz-all!!!!!!! Can I be trusted with the Saz-all???? of course not, that's why I have Cream Horn.

i wonder, if a person who has a container fetish also likes sawing solid oak futon frames into small bits...probably...Gosh, I hope so...

SEND ME BOXES PEOPLE!!!!! BOXES I TELL YOU!!!

and bungee cords, please....

where are all the real men, I ask you...?

2005-10-22T16:52:00.000-04:00

Let's say you are moving into a new apartment. Let's say you take a male person with you, who believes himself to be manly. He likes all the manly things, women, power tools, cars. Let's also say that this manly man believes himself to be a man of the manlinest sort becausehe is never without:

1) duct tape
2) bungee cords
3) containers
4) aerosol lubricant...

Consider as well, that you have come to rely on this man because you know him to be pratical and handy and a master of common sense so, you ask this man to come to your new apartment to help you with a lock.

Now, what would be your impression of that man be if - when you were in his presence - you were stunned and downright DISAPPOINTED - that he didn't have.................

that's right...you'd think he was less of a man, wouldn't you.

Fear not, he redeemed himself by removing my solid ash bookcases with a power tool.

Slayer-Killer becomes "slugger"

2005-10-20T19:54:00.000-04:00

Justin has advised: "I'm not a commie slayer. It makes me sound like a vampire slayer. I don't use stakes or sharp things made out of silver. All-American, capitalist-made baseball bats work well enough, especially when you're a kid who's trying to sleep after a little league game and there are commies coming out from under your bed and closet."

In this regard, Justin - henceforth known as the "Commie Slayer" and the "Commie Killer" will be known as "Justin the Commie Slugger"

Here is an example of his weapons of choice>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>

This, as The "slugger" will tell you, started at an early age>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And now, as a mature adult, this is the "Slugger's" view of the World:

...and remember folks, as Justin always says................

compressed sodium bicarbonate...

2005-10-19T18:48:00.000-04:00

...miraculous stuff...that's all I'm gonna say: Miraculous!!!!!!!